that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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