Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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