i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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