you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
