all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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