I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
