the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
