So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.