i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick