The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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