I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Hippo gnu deer
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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