the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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