I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
