You just made me feel so damn special
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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