so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
