I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
