Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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