Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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