Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
