I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
