so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
