I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
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And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
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Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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