Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
