coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
