Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
