So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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