Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
