She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
