So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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