I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
