margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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