plz talk dirty to me
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
These tits shall not be calmed
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
