i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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