You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
