I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
