ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
No subtext here. People are naked.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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