I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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