My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
