my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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