im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
