Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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