I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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