I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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