he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No subtext here. People are naked.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
