Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
COCAINE IS GR8
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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