accomplished twins. life is a go
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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