Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
