ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
