i don't like sucking hair
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
