we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
