i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
