i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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