Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
