Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
