I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
