and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
