Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
