3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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