I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize