I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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