There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I wear drunk well.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
