Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
