My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
