What tipped you off? The sombrero?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
