some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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