broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
