Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
