He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
