Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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