I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
