I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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