It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
