I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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