i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
we should paint friendship bongs
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
