sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
