Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
